When insults from humans just aren't enough.

Both of these electronic devices expressed their displeasure with me in the past year.

I feel shame.



In my defense, this was actually in a car owned by a friend of mine, so, technically, he is the constant failure, whereas I am only a temporary one.



Healthy food doesn't taste as good.

The Belly of the Beast

I went to a Sarah Palin rally last night, but not without smuggling in some surprises.

Rec Hall at PSU was packed, but I was able to set up right in front of the press and hold up this sign for a good part of the evening.


(Click on any pic to enlarge)
Here's a close-up:



I also made a few of these, but thought better than to hold them up, surrounded by 7,500 rural, conservative Pennsylvanians.




After it was announced that Hank Williams Jr. was going to sing the National Anthem, I, along with a bunch of other people took off our hats. Apparently, we have a new National Anthem that goes something like this:

(I have been accused by a Youtube user of seeking Youtube Fame by posting this video. I must admit that he is right. I am trying to be the biggest Youtube celebrity ever. When I took this shitty, shaky, 1 minute clip, I fully intended on getting more views than "Chocolate Rain," "Leave Britney Alone," and those animals eating the shit out of each other in Africa combined.)



Here's a verse from our new National Anthem


Thanks a lot for the financial crisis, BILL CLINTON! It's ALL your fault, Slick Willy.

Rejected!

(Click photo to enlarge)

America needs "The Fighter with the Hard Left Hook."

Unfortunately for everyone, Steve Novick, who stands 4'9" and uses a hook prosthesis, barely lost in the Democratic primary for Senate in Oregon.
"The Fighter with the Hard Left Hook" was a campaign slogan for Novick and his website was Votehook.com
Aside from having a seemingly awesome sense of humor, it looks like he fights some good fights. Here's his wikipedia page.

Why settle for being a drunk who can't shave, when you could suffer from the Barber's rash and barrel fever?

Getting sick isn't as exciting it used to be. Here are some archaic medical terms with their definitions:


BARBER'S RASH or ITCH- Infection of hair folicles from contaminated razor



BARREL FEVER- Illness due to excessive drinking of alcohol




CANINE MADNESS- Rabies


COMMOTION- Concussion



JAIL FEVER-Typhus-


Typhus is actually one of the less serious things that could happen to you in prison.


KING'S EVIL-Scrofula, a tubercular infection of the throat lymph glands; also sometimes syphilis-

This is also how the royal subjects referred to the king making "number two."



WORM FIT-Convulsions associated with teething, worms, elevated temperature or diarrhea.







OR.....


An overpaid, whiny, temper-tantrum having freakshow.




DELIRIUM TREMENS - Hallucinations due to alcoholism


BRONZE JOHN- Yellow fever.

Movies that could have been adult films, based solely on their title.

Depending on your style, The Best or Worst album covers of all time:

Guys like him don't make it in prison.



The beginnings of "Emocore"

"Listen, you little emo-wanna-be myspace punks, stop whining about you relationship problems, high school drama, and family bullshit, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD!"--Freddie Gage




Neither The Who's nor Jimi Hendrix's post concert demolition of equipment could come close to "Elephant Rage"

Foster Edwards slept with every member of the band.




Are All Creepy.





Bandmates and Lovers

Unfortunately, Seymour became too stiff to work and was retired just 3 years after his career began.





Tex Williams died of cancer in 1985

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't lung cancer.




Followed up by the hit album "Live From Louisiana State Penitentiary"





Oh, how literal of you!


But did the chicks dig him? Here's Jonah Jones





Many men were already quite familiar with his inside story.





They Play By Ear ................... BOOOOOO!!!!!!





No, thank YOU, Mike Atkins.

(And a big thank you to my tens of thousands of loyal readers.)

The three people that ruined my childhood- (In chronological order)

1.) Large Marge- She scared the crap out of a guy who lived alone and talked to furniture and other inanimate objects all day. What does that tell you?


To this day, I still don't like watching this scene of "Pee Wee's Big Adventure."



2.) "Zeebo the Clown" from "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

As if clowns weren't scary enough already, Nickelodeon decided that a horrifying show was somehow the obvious choice to air after "Clarissa Explains it All," "Roundhouse," and "Ren and Stimpy."

3.) Joe Carter


- Sweet, sweet redemption is coming soon, but the damage was done.

ATTN: Animals in Wheelchairs- I find your disability both unfortunate and ADOREABLE

"My Cat, Elvis, was involved in a tragic accident...." (Worth a minute or two of your time)-- ROBOCAT!


Blueberry, The Amazing Wheelchair bunny.(Has a very generous name)
"Moderately Amusing Wheelchair Bunny" would be more fitting.



One of the more famous wheelchair dogs.




Is this dog wearing leopard print?

Sadly, not all animals can have state of the art wheelchairs. I can only assume that this is how paraplegic dogs are treated in third world countries. (If they are lucky) *Tear.

Aren't you glad you didn't have your superman underwear tattooed on when you were 5?

This is what my dad used to tell me during the brief time I was pondering getting a tattoo years ago. If it came down to it, I think I would rather have superman underwear as a permanent part of my body, rather than Stephen Hawking.

Apparently, this guy does not share my view on the subject and actually had Stephen Hawking tattooed on his leg. On a positive note, Dr. Hawking can walk again.


Here's a link to the article: