The World of Rothbear-Observations of Absurdity, Nonsense, and "The ADD."

ZING!

2009-12-01T11:56:00.002-05:00

A video footage from the 1991 beard and mustache competition

2009-11-19T15:21:00.000-05:00

Wait for the second guy!

Girls are like Fish......

2009-08-20T01:26:00.001-04:00

(Click To Enlarge)

There has to be a better way to say that.......

2009-08-17T23:59:00.000-04:00

(Click To Enlarge)

The Highs and Lows of Being a Man

2009-08-17T01:10:00.003-04:00

Click Image to Enlarge

I don't know how I came across this absurd right wing t-shirt website, but this shirt made me chuckle.

2009-08-13T15:23:00.001-04:00

BREAKING NEWS! Turkey Dictator speaking and gathering support!

2009-07-24T11:32:00.001-04:00

If Man walked on the Moon today.....

2009-07-21T14:11:00.001-04:00

Suck it China!

Senator Sessions "Gonna do that Crack Cocaine thing."

2009-07-16T18:53:00.001-04:00

As first order of business for the G8 Summit.......

2009-07-10T12:29:00.002-04:00

The world's leaders will eye-fuck Italian broads!

Click on image to enlarge

Need a vacation? Why not OAKLAND?!?!?!

2009-07-09T11:42:00.001-04:00

What better way to celebrate the fourth than to watch the best performance of our national anthem, EVER?

2009-07-04T13:46:00.002-04:00

R.I.P. BILLY!

2009-07-02T11:18:00.001-04:00

Well...... See you all in hell, I guess!

2009-06-30T11:36:00.002-04:00

This segment was written so well that even Jimmy Fallon couldn't fuck it up

2009-06-11T14:56:00.005-04:00

I apologize for the 30 second ad.

Next time you are about get handcuffed, tazed, and arrested , yell for YAWAHHHH

2009-06-10T13:55:00.001-04:00

and you shall be released.

the US is the GREATEST MILITARY FORCE

2009-06-05T11:35:00.002-04:00

and dance troupe IN THE WORLD!

Outkast's "Hey Ya"

Peanut butter Jelly Time in Iraq:

If you want to have a lot of sex in college, but don't want a job afterwards, may I recommend majoring in studio art?

2009-06-02T12:18:00.003-04:00

Here is a chart representing Virginity rates among students by major

Source: Counterpoint magazine at Wellesley College

The high percentage of virgin Poli-sci majors is very surprising to me. I have a hunch that it will be the other 27% who could make it in Washington.

It's true, whether you like it or not.

2009-05-27T11:48:00.001-04:00

Some people are just better than others.

2009-05-22T16:06:00.002-04:00

(Click picture to enlarge)

Tea party? Fine- but your stupidity will be mocked on the internet.

2009-05-09T19:45:00.003-04:00

Pleasant Dreams!

2009-04-23T01:38:00.001-04:00

Gentrification can be a bitch

2009-04-17T13:00:00.000-04:00

What a difference a theme song can make.

2009-04-16T14:24:00.002-04:00

Check out a bit more creepy of an intro to "Different Strokes"

Seeing this video made me a better person.

2009-04-12T23:37:00.001-04:00

Your "one stop shop" for Marital Aids to enhance your Christian Marriage, while keeping Christ at the center.

2009-04-04T23:56:00.003-04:00

The following is from an actual Christian-based website called, http://mybelovedsgarden.net.

All pictures on MBG Lingerie are like the one above. We use real models for all of lingerie so they show better, the skin of these models is covered by another color. Where there is a color there would be skin. We have done this so that the pictures are not offensive to some, enjoy.

I'm Afraid I Just Blue Myself

2009-03-09T19:47:00.002-04:00

It's only a matter of time before Radioactive Great White Sharks kill us all, so I wrote my mayor a letter.

2009-03-06T12:51:00.009-05:00

The Farallon Islands are about 20 miles off the coast of San Francisco and are home to a shitload of Great White Sharks.

The elephant seal population attracts a population of well-known Great White Sharks to the islands. In 1970 Farallon biologists witnessed their first shark attack, on a Steller’s sea lion. During the next fifteen years, more than one hundred attacks on seals and sea lions were observed at close range.

The same area was used as a radioactive dumping site for almost 25 years....

Nuclear waste

In the above map the approximate locations of two major nuclear waste dumping sites, according to a 1980 United States Environmental Protection Agency report, are indicated.

From 1946 to 1970, the sea around the Farallones was used as a nuclear dumping site for radioactive waste under the authority of the Atomic Energy Commission at a site known as the Farallon Island Nuclear Waste Dump.

I decided to be proactive about the matter and wrote my mayor a letter.

Hello Mayor Newsom,

Although it may seem like the major problems in this city are our failing economy, terrible school system, and whether or not to allow homo-love, there is a more pressing issue at hand.

As you may or may not know, the Farallon Islands are less than 30 miles from the city of San Francisco.

This area is a favorite for Great White Sharks to mate, and savagely attack sea lions and seals. Over the past few decades, they have become more aggressive and the attacks have increased.

I believe I know why they have become more aggressive. They are mutating into radioactive killing machines.

Apparently, the Farallon Islands were used as a dumping site for radioactive materials for almost 25 years from the 40's until around 1970.

I write this e-mail to you to raise your attention to this issue, as it is only a matter of time before the sharks mutate enough to make landfall and destroy our beautiful city and kill us all.

That being said, as a resident of Ocean Beach, I realize that I am the first line of defense and hereby volunteer to enlist in the "Radioactive Shark Prevention Unit."

We may need some funding for sledge hammers and whatnot, but I am fairly confident that we can be self-sufficient from bake sales, etc.

thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing back from you,

Ben

P.S. I have attached a map of the dump site and a terrifying great white shark for your review.

In this tough economy, it has become necessary to respond to all of those pesky rejection letters.

2009-03-03T17:36:00.002-05:00

Dear Sirs:
Thank you for your letter of ________. After careful
consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept
your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I
have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large
number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising
field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all
refusals.

Despite your firms outstanding qualifications and previous
experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection
does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will
initiate employment with your firm immediately.
I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

I wish I wrote this.

The legend of Speedo Guy!

2009-02-28T05:34:00.001-05:00

This is the most disappointing news headline I have ever seen:

2009-02-27T14:52:00.004-05:00

Banana Giant Seeks Dismissal of Columbia Death Lawsuits
FOXNews –
‎36 minutes ago‎

I was expecting this:

But got a story about Chiquita.

Damn you once again, Fox News!

They sure don't write sea lion obituaries like they used to....

2009-01-07T12:19:00.007-05:00

Introducing........
BEN BUTLER!- Late 1800's Attraction of Ocean Beach, San Francisco!

Click to enlarge

This obituary is the most moving piece of journalism that I have ever read- and it is for a freaking Sea Lion. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry...

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I don't respect W. But I sure as hell respect his boots!

2008-12-28T16:14:00.002-05:00

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Presidential Cowboy boots!

Well played, sir.

All is forgiven.

An Oldie, but Goody

2008-12-17T22:23:00.001-05:00

Patches enjoys riding in cars, fetching beer and sleeping in beds....

Wait a sec.... Kanye West didn't actually make all of his beats?

2008-12-14T15:34:00.007-05:00

Ok, not breaking news at all, but this video shows the origins of all of his samples.

Pretty Cool.

That's Laser Jesus Rothbear to you.

2008-12-13T13:56:00.000-05:00

click to enlarge

There I was, just trying to sell some music gear, when Craigslist shoved their pro-convict agenda down my throat.

2008-12-12T18:38:00.002-05:00

I have been labeled as "Goofy, Impertinent, and Irrelevant" by the #2 of the "GodHatesFags" movement

2008-12-11T02:28:00.002-05:00

As a follow-up to yesterday, the guy I talked to on the internet, did, in fact, ask my question to Shirley Phelps-Roper, of the Westboro Baptist Church.

I am trying to get a more edited version of the interview, but you can check it out here.

The interview with her starts at around 9 minutes.

Apparently, I will indirectly be asking the "Godhates Fags" lady a question tonight on the radio.

2008-12-10T17:26:00.004-05:00

A political interviewer asked a bunch of people online for their input on what to ask the "Godhatesfags" lady. (for those of you unfamiliar with this group, check my old friend google for more info, as they won't be plugged here.)

My questions were:

"Can you ask her at what age they start raising their kids/grandkids to believe that god hates fags?"

"Also, ask her what she would do if the first word a male baby in their community spoke was "CINNAMON" in a very effeminate way?"

Finally, the one that was selected was "Please also ask if god hates "faggot animals" like lesbian seagulls or homo-goats?"

I am sure he will change up the language, but tune into: This Link to find out.....

Greetings from Bat Country

2008-12-04T12:37:00.002-05:00

Hello from Barstow California! Home of the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Del Tacos, several high quality non-sleazy motels, a rail road museum, and LOTS of homeless people.

This is their video to host the 2008 Summer Olympics

This actually isn't from the onion. Thanks for the update, CNN

2008-12-03T14:32:00.002-05:00

Obama 'deeply disappointed' Richardson shaved beard
(CNN) - Gov. Bill Richardson showed up to his press conference with President-elect Barack Obama Wednesday morning without the beard he has been sporting since dropping out of the presidential race in January, sparking his new boss to tell reporters he is "deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard."

"I'm going to answer this question about the beard," said Obama, when Richardson was asked where the facial hair went. "I think it was a mistake for him to get rid of it. I thought that whole Western, rugged look was really working for him.

"For some reason, maybe because it was scratchy when he kissed his wife, he was forced to get rid of it.," Obama continued as his nominee for commerce secretary smiled broadly. "But we're deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard."

Obama didn't let Richardson answer the question, but the New Mexico governor told Esquire Magazine in an interview posted online Wednesday that "After the campaign, I grew a beard as a rebellion against those consultants who told me I had to comb my hair, shave, lose weight. I said, You know, I’m gonna do what I want now. That was a good feeling."

Probably the most bizarre job posting I have ever seen.

2008-12-01T04:01:00.003-05:00

Click image to enlarge

Please feel free to e-mail them and post your response.

Merry Thanksgiving! - from the Leningrad Cowboys and Red Army Choir

2008-11-27T00:27:00.003-05:00

When most bands describe themselves as "indescribable," they are probably full of shit. Not these guys though.

Reporters screwing up brings joy to us all.

2008-11-22T13:12:00.004-05:00

First, the classic:

Reporter Goes Ghetto

Melanie Morales can't hear shit

This reporter likes to demonstrate what he is reporting. It is good for all of us that he didn't do a story on auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Their sexual tension finally reached the breaking point. Shortly after this gaff, a love swing was installed in the editing room.

His co-worker is dead, but he stays calm as ever. All I can gather is that there was a problem with the teleprompter punctuation, but this is out of control.

Who the fuck cuts Brian May from an album?

2008-11-20T19:00:00.004-05:00

Axl Rose does.

I may have downloaded leaked versions of "Chinese Democracy" last month and it contained early versions of tracks which will be released on 11/23. One of which had a guest appearance by Brian May, of Queen, and it was awesome.

I would post the original version of Catcher in the Rye, but a combination of my computer crashing and fear of Axl going Metallica on me, you will have to find it yourself.

At any rate, the original version was far superior.

/rant

Pranked you were.

2008-11-19T12:38:00.003-05:00

Look at the pure hate in her eyes.

WWJD?

2008-11-15T02:19:00.014-05:00

Probably not this......

I had seen Jesus Profiteering before, but not to the same degree as a certain truckstop in Missouri...

Hey J.C. Can you please stop posting flyers for your shitty band on my comments? Thanks.

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I always thought of Jesus as more of a Gibson guy.

A 1981 Flying V, Mayhaps?

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Sickening.

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Actually, A Jesus Merman looks like this:

And he doesn't give A FUCK about coffee. Hook a brotha up with some raw fish.

That's just uncalled for.

2008-11-15T02:11:00.006-05:00

I was just trying to peacefully eat a chicken sandwich and get back on the road but then I saw it.....

Maybe It's not the best idea to use your family name as your business name....

2008-11-14T00:18:00.007-05:00

Straight from Indiana, TOM RAPER RVs and Homes!

"You're Right at Home with Raper Homes!

Some people don't like to be photographed.

2008-11-14T00:02:00.003-05:00

Some dude flipped me off on the highway today. Normally, I would flip him off and not let him pass me for miles, but something happened today.

I changed.

Armed with a digital camera in my center console, I simply took it out and took a picture of him as he passed me.

He was not happy.

With 10 hours of driving still ahead of me, I took a few more of random people to pass the time.

Most people don't notice.

But some people do.....

LOOK OF DEATH!

The Front Fell Off

2008-11-13T08:02:00.002-05:00

An Australian Senator is interviewed regarding an oil spill that resulted in 20,000 tons of oil being dumped into the ocean. ;)

When insults from humans just aren't enough.

2008-11-11T22:05:00.006-05:00

Both of these electronic devices expressed their displeasure with me in the past year.

I feel shame.

In my defense, this was actually in a car owned by a friend of mine, so, technically, he is the constant failure, whereas I am only a temporary one.

Healthy food doesn't taste as good.

Mick Jagger with a beard, "David Bowie'd" Bob Dylan, and getting "eye-fucked" by Prince

2008-11-06T21:37:00.011-05:00

Inspired by the look of "The Band," Mick Jagger wound up looking like the Unabomber, with bad teeth. But for the first time in his life, he didn't look like a nancy boy.

Bob Dylan was finally able to get his style on par with his vocal talent.
-notice Tom Petty behind him, rounding out the the nasally voice/ three chord procession.

If you stare too long, Prince will break through your wall and have his way with you. Male or female. ;)

These pictures were found on this site, which I highly recommend. Great collection of classic rock photos.

This ballroom smells like Hope, Change, and............ Weed?

2008-11-05T13:05:00.001-05:00

The Belly of the Beast

2008-10-28T23:17:00.014-04:00

I went to a Sarah Palin rally last night, but not without smuggling in some surprises.

Rec Hall at PSU was packed, but I was able to set up right in front of the press and hold up this sign for a good part of the evening.

(Click on any pic to enlarge)
Here's a close-up:

I also made a few of these, but thought better than to hold them up, surrounded by 7,500 rural, conservative Pennsylvanians.

After it was announced that Hank Williams Jr. was going to sing the National Anthem, I, along with a bunch of other people took off our hats. Apparently, we have a new National Anthem that goes something like this:

(I have been accused by a Youtube user of seeking Youtube Fame by posting this video. I must admit that he is right. I am trying to be the biggest Youtube celebrity ever. When I took this shitty, shaky, 1 minute clip, I fully intended on getting more views than "Chocolate Rain," "Leave Britney Alone," and those animals eating the shit out of each other in Africa combined.)

Here's a verse from our new National Anthem

Thanks a lot for the financial crisis, BILL CLINTON! It's ALL your fault, Slick Willy.

Rejected!

2008-10-28T10:24:00.005-04:00

(Click photo to enlarge)

I want that "hope" and "change" tingle.

2008-10-27T16:00:00.002-04:00

THE AUDACITY OF SOAP!

Oh yeah.. it's real

The Brits know how to waste tax dollars too!

2008-10-27T11:12:00.002-04:00

This was the old logo for the 'Norfolk Constabulary'

Roughly $54,000 later, they will wind up with this one:

Around $4600 went on developing and designing the new version, while $39,000 will be needed to change signs around the county and another $10,000 to update patrol cars

Good job, chaps!

The article can be read here:

A brief history of FAIL!

2008-10-26T12:42:00.000-04:00

Freestyle Rap Battle Translated

2008-10-25T12:08:00.001-04:00

WAZZZZZZUUUUP 2008

2008-10-25T10:20:00.001-04:00

Animal in people clothing? Check. Outrageous Asian television programming? Check. Chimp on Segway? Check. Hilarity ensuing? Check.

2008-10-23T12:30:00.000-04:00

Mr. Shark, what are your thoughts on global overfishing?

2008-10-23T06:00:00.003-04:00

Movie piracy is wrong. Dead Wrong.

2008-10-22T14:04:00.002-04:00

America needs "The Fighter with the Hard Left Hook."

2008-10-22T13:09:00.002-04:00

Unfortunately for everyone, Steve Novick, who stands 4'9" and uses a hook prosthesis, barely lost in the Democratic primary for Senate in Oregon.
"The Fighter with the Hard Left Hook" was a campaign slogan for Novick and his website was Votehook.com
Aside from having a seemingly awesome sense of humor, it looks like he fights some good fights. Here's his wikipedia page.

McCain/Palin Supporters in Western PA, are well-educated, well-mannered, and definitely not racist.

2008-10-22T07:42:00.002-04:00

DRILL, BABY, DRILL!

2008-10-20T21:16:00.003-04:00

He's Back.

Why settle for being a drunk who can't shave, when you could suffer from the Barber's rash and barrel fever?

2008-10-20T13:56:00.011-04:00

Getting sick isn't as exciting it used to be. Here are some archaic medical terms with their definitions:

BARBER'S RASH or ITCH- Infection of hair folicles from contaminated razor

BARREL FEVER- Illness due to excessive drinking of alcohol

CANINE MADNESS- Rabies

COMMOTION- Concussion

JAIL FEVER-Typhus-

Typhus is actually one of the less serious things that could happen to you in prison.

KING'S EVIL-Scrofula, a tubercular infection of the throat lymph glands; also sometimes syphilis-

This is also how the royal subjects referred to the king making "number two."

WORM FIT-Convulsions associated with teething, worms, elevated temperature or diarrhea.

OR.....

An overpaid, whiny, temper-tantrum having freakshow.

DELIRIUM TREMENS - Hallucinations due to alcoholism

BRONZE JOHN- Yellow fever.

Movies that could have been adult films, based solely on their title.

2008-10-17T10:44:00.008-04:00

"GIVE ME SOME OF THAT SWEET MOCHA ASS!"

2008-10-16T23:00:00.004-04:00

Sure, everyone has moments when they don't look their best and it must be tough to always have cameras recording your every move, but this......... really?

Depending on your style, The Best or Worst album covers of all time:

2008-10-16T15:31:00.014-04:00

Guys like him don't make it in prison.

The beginnings of "Emocore"

"Listen, you little emo-wanna-be myspace punks, stop whining about you relationship problems, high school drama, and family bullshit, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD!"--Freddie Gage

Neither The Who's nor Jimi Hendrix's post concert demolition of equipment could come close to "Elephant Rage"

Foster Edwards slept with every member of the band.

Are All Creepy.

Bandmates and Lovers

Unfortunately, Seymour became too stiff to work and was retired just 3 years after his career began.

Tex Williams died of cancer in 1985

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't lung cancer.

Followed up by the hit album "Live From Louisiana State Penitentiary"

Oh, how literal of you!

But did the chicks dig him? Here's Jonah Jones

Many men were already quite familiar with his inside story.

They Play By Ear ................... BOOOOOO!!!!!!

No, thank YOU, Mike Atkins.

(And a big thank you to my tens of thousands of loyal readers.)

It's safe to say, this manager disagreed with the call.

2008-10-16T08:33:00.005-04:00

In what is probably the best baseball manager ejection of all time, Phil Wellman throws his hat, covers home plate, then creates a new larger home plate, physically steals third base, throws it into the outfield,army crawls to the pitcher's mound, picks up the rosin bag and throws it at the umpire like a grenade,then he then proceeds to eject the umpire, next, he goes and steals second, retrieves third, which he has already thrown, and finally blows kisses to the crowd as he exits through the outfield wall.

The three people that ruined my childhood- (In chronological order)

2008-10-15T08:59:00.007-04:00

1.) Large Marge- She scared the crap out of a guy who lived alone and talked to furniture and other inanimate objects all day. What does that tell you?

To this day, I still don't like watching this scene of "Pee Wee's Big Adventure."

2.) "Zeebo the Clown" from "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

As if clowns weren't scary enough already, Nickelodeon decided that a horrifying show was somehow the obvious choice to air after "Clarissa Explains it All," "Roundhouse," and "Ren and Stimpy."

3.) Joe Carter

- Sweet, sweet redemption is coming soon, but the damage was done.

McCain of the Hill and Peggy Palin

2008-10-14T20:16:00.003-04:00

"Whoa" is right.

ATTN: Animals in Wheelchairs- I find your disability both unfortunate and ADOREABLE

2008-10-14T13:05:00.017-04:00

"My Cat, Elvis, was involved in a tragic accident...." (Worth a minute or two of your time)-- ROBOCAT!

Blueberry, The Amazing Wheelchair bunny.(Has a very generous name)
"Moderately Amusing Wheelchair Bunny" would be more fitting.

One of the more famous wheelchair dogs.

Is this dog wearing leopard print?

Sadly, not all animals can have state of the art wheelchairs. I can only assume that this is how paraplegic dogs are treated in third world countries. (If they are lucky) *Tear.

Aren't you glad you didn't have your superman underwear tattooed on when you were 5?

2008-10-14T10:38:00.002-04:00

This is what my dad used to tell me during the brief time I was pondering getting a tattoo years ago. If it came down to it, I think I would rather have superman underwear as a permanent part of my body, rather than Stephen Hawking.

Apparently, this guy does not share my view on the subject and actually had Stephen Hawking tattooed on his leg. On a positive note, Dr. Hawking can walk again.

Here's a link to the article:

Barack Obama was on Soul Train.

2008-10-14T10:03:00.002-04:00

Alright, it looks a little like him:

Here is the real B arack Getting down with a JAY-Z REEEEEEEMIXXXXX: